


The rabbit-thing

by Beryll (Rynthjan), Osiris_Brackhaus (Rynthjan)



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-04
Updated: 2002-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26196136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rynthjan/pseuds/Beryll, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rynthjan/pseuds/Osiris_Brackhaus
Summary: The Lady Eowyn and Queen Arwen discuss the erratic behaviour of the men around them while stitching.
Relationships: Aragorn | Estel/Arwen Undómiel, Aragorn | Estel/Faramir (Son of Denethor II), Arwen Undómiel/Éowyn, Éowyn/Faramir (Son of Denethor II)
Kudos: 6
Collections: Least Expected





	The rabbit-thing

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Least Expected](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected), which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Least Expected collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile).
> 
> Disclaimer: Not ours, sigh.
> 
> Feedback: Sure, hit us!
> 
> Story Notes: It's a funny little ficlet. Enjoy as much as we did while writing!

Lady Eowyn and the Queen Arwen together, on a lovely afternoon, stitching. (* indicates the Queen speaking)

* "So, Lady Eowyn, is there any of the sable threat left in your basket?"

"Let me see... sable... I have something yellowish. Looks sick, though."

* "Hmm. It'll have to do anyway. Thanks, dear."

"My pleasure."

* "By the way, do you have any inkling, my dear, where our two husbands are off to? Haven't seen them since breakfast.."

"Faramir said something about 'going for a ride'."

Queen Arwen looks up from her stitchery, her eyes filled with amused disbelief.

* "For a ride. Interesting."

"Yes, he took food along. Chocolate and cream, I think."

The Queen snickers and returns to her needlework.

* "I had suspected something more sustaining. Your husband has looked drained after such excursions lately..."

"Yes, he does, doesn't he?"

* "Definitely."

"So how did your husband explain his absence?"

* "The King excused himself, for he would be busy with swords-practice all day. Wonder what training involves cream and chocolate."

"And horses, at that. They do seem to get out of hand, lately."

* "The horses?"

"No, our husbands."

* "Well, at least they seem to be very - happy."

"Our husbands?"

* "No, the horses! Of course our husbands."

Short silence.

* "Well, at least they're occupied this way."

"True, they would just get into trouble if they were not."

* "And with no orcs around anymore, that trouble would surely have included other people."

"I just wonder why they still insist on these silly excuses."

The Queen looks up questioningly.

"Well, it IS pretty obvious what they are doing, isn't it?"

* "Well, yes, dear."

Short silence, then the Queen asks:

* "Though I sometimes wonder what it exactly is that they are doing.."

"Well, you know, the rabbit-thing."

* "?"

"You know, what rabbits do for reproduction. My dear, you haven't grown up that secluded, have you?"

* "Of course not. And of course I know WHAT they do. It's more the how, I wonder."

"Well, they do seem to enjoy it, judging by the noise..."

* "Oh, you're right, dear. Though I have to say that your husband is kind of more piercing than mine."

"Hhmm... He's not on top, then. With me, he's pretty quiet."

The Queen looks up questioningly once more, then her eyes widen and blushing, she returns her attention to her work.

* "Oh. I can't say that about mine. He's voicing his passion with me as well as when ... doing that rabbit-thing. Though the tone is different, I think."

"Is it?"

* "Well, yes. Sort of, well, more feral, I guess."

"That would make sense."

* "Would it?"

"Yes, you know what men are like. They're always afraid to hurt us. Actually, I found some interesting bitemarks on my husband, lately. And on interesting places, too."

* "Is it! None of them on mine, though I have to admit I haven't searched. Though I have noticed that he IS walking strangely whenever he returns from, well, practice."

"Hhmm... That would speak for my husband being on top." The Queen looks out of the window, her eyes distant with daydream.

* "Well, I can imagine that. Any idea about the usual arrangements of our husbands?" "Nope. But they are both very fond of my brother."

* "Are they? Truly, the got quite an appetite. We both can be lucky that we're not the only ones to satisfy their desires."

"Yes. Although I have to say that I prefer my brother not being with them. He's just ear-splitting. And they always look so guilty afterwards."

* "Hhm, yes. Both of it. But why do they still try to hide it? I mean, it is not as if there is still anybody left who DOESN'T know what's up between them."

"I have no idea."

* "Could it be some kind of sports?"

"Possibly."

* "Shame. I must have lost my curved needle. Can you borrow me your's, dear?"

"Sure. Have you ever watched them?"

* "No! I mean - I'd never ... Well... It might be interesting, though."

"Yep."

* "Have you...?"

"Not on purpose. I wandered in the stables one day. And they were, you know, doing the rabbit-thing."

* "In the stables?"

"Yes... I did not disturb them, of course. Wouldn't do for the King to die of heart-failure."

* "Especially not in the stables. Underneath the Duke of Ithilien. Or on top of?"

"On top. I do have to admit that Faramir looked pretty cute. Gives you a whole new perspective."

* "Does it?"

"Definitely."

* "I think I would like to know how my husband looks when he's, well, on the receiving end."

"Receiving end? Now, that's a nice way to put it. But of course, you're right. Not very regal, I'd guess."

* "Hhmm, probably." "Maybe we should spy on them, now and then, and compare notes."

* "It surely would not suit the Queen of Gondor to go spying after her husband."

"Well, it does not suit the King of Gondor to go screw his Steward, either. Not that I mind... I just think we deserve some fun, too."

Arwen shoots conspirational glances at the Lady Eowyn.

* "So, are you saying we're not having fun together, dear?"

"No, of course not. But that's different."

* "Oh, is it?"

"Yes, of course. We're stitching. And we're not so noisy."

* "Nor so indescrete."

"Do you think they suspect at all?"

* "Well, the King might. After all, he IS very close to my heart. But he'd never even say anything to me about that. I wonder, why..."

"I'm not so sure. Maybe he suspects something, but I don't think he is able to picture you doing something like THAT."

* "Well - he still is pretty young compared to me, so he might as well spend his youth in innocent ignorance."

Eowyn giggles.

"His youth? So when exactly do you plan to... enlighten him?"

The queen shrugs.

* "I have not yet made plans concerning that. But then, what about your husband, dear?"

"I'm very sure he would be quite shocked. I don't think he has come to terms with his own... adventures yet. You have known your husband longer than I have known mine. Was he always like this or is it a recent development?"

* "That he is constantly out doing that rabbit-thing or that he's ashamed of it?"

"Both."

* "Ashamed he has always been. Ashamed for burdening me with his love, ashamed for making me give up immortality for him, ashamed for lusting after others but me, ashamed of almost everything..."

"Well, he must be pretty busy being ashamed."

* "Sometimes, my dear, I wonder if he perhaps likes to worry. He seems somewhat incomplete when everything is alright."

"Maybe he does need a firmer hand now and then. I do recall Faramir desperatly searching for his riding crop a couple of weeks ago. And there were definitely no marks on him."

* "Well, neither they were on my husband."

"Now that's suspicious. My brother was not around either. Do you remember who was visiting us at that time?"

* "Maybe they were just careful?... Nay..."

"If you ask me, that whole fellowship-thing spoiled them, even if Faramir was not even with them. I mean, nine men alone in the woods for month - what can you expect?"

* "Yes, they even got caught in a mud-slide and were isolated for days in a tiny hut... But no, that was somebody else, I think. But your right, dear. Though I have to admit that he's somewhat more relaxed nowadays."

"Small wonder. Faramir is a wonderful partner in that regard. I swear his hands can do magic."

* "And I always thought it were the hands of the king that were the hands of a healer."

"Oh, I didn't exactly refer to healing, dear."

* "Oh"

(...)

* "Do you think I should try that riding crop think on him one day, too?"

"Well, if you do, you should tie him to the bed first. If you don't he might run away. Which, on second thought, might be quite nice as well."

* "Him running away?"

"No, being tied to a bed."

* "Hmm, yes, I can see that."

"It's a very intriguing idea. I think I'm going to try this." Eowyn grins

* "With my husband?"

"No, silly, with mine."

* "That might prove interesting indeed. He would look so... vulnerable."

"Well, I could blindfold him too. Then you could come around and have a look at him as well."

* "Oh no, dear, that's so sweet of you. But I think my husband would be truly jealous if another man would be involved in any way."

"Which, I think, is sort of weird, considering what he has done with my husband."

* "Well, I would be displeased if there were any woman involved."

"True. We are a jealous lot, aren't we?"

* "Yes, in a way. But very tolerant as well."

(...)

"And yes, I think I will try this riding crop thing tonight. I hope he'll not be too tired."

* "Well, the longer they stay away, the smaller your chances of a romantic encounter tonight will grow."

"Oh - am I mistaken or is that your husband shouting in the courtyard?"

* "Yes indeed. And he sounds... worried."

"Well, what's new about that."

* "Shall we go and great them, dear?"

"Definitely."


End file.
